01 November 2007

Happy Goddamn Halloween

OK, sure, every other woman on the street last night was a slutty barmaid, or a slutty referee/umpire, slutty pirate, baseball player or cat. I even saw a slutty Sherlock Holmes. We get it; Halloween is firmly established as a safe time for otherwise only mildly slutty woman to become full-fledged slutty fantasies for men whose most creative costume attempt is carrying a football while wearing a football jersey and sneakers. If I were 15 years younger, I might think it was fun to do, instead of just funny to ridicule as the sluts pass.

But when the slut parade interferes with my ability to get home quickly, that's when it's gone too far. The cab we were in after the theater last night was held up for several light cycles and meter clicks too many on 42nd Street. The cause of this late-night traffic jam? A Halloween party at Cipriani, to celebrate the launch of Roberto Cavelli's new vodka line (doesn't he know that designer vodkas are so 2004? but get this, it's filtered through crushed Italian marble), at which there was a line of black SUVs standing in what would otherwise be a no-standing zone/bus stop, funneling the traffic into one lane instead of two, their drivers napping while the D-list celebrities they were waiting for slutted it up inside. People like Petra Nemcova and Katrina Bowden. Who? Right; exactly.

At least Petra's costume is a little beautiful. What's Katrina supposed to be? A slutty Donald Trump? Ew.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jealous you weren't invited?

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jealous weren't invited? Why ruin a light hearted Halloween event with you disparaging remark? Sounds like some sort of self-esteem issue here. Are you afraid that you would not look good in those type of costumes? Maybe you need to walk some more and lighten up!

11:58 AM  
Blogger Stuntmother said...

Anonymous commenters by definition have major self-esteem issues because they lack the courage to face up to their random, nasty, ill-spelled remarks.

Dude, or dudette. Get an identity. And when you do that, get a life. Seriously.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Pauline said...

came here via stuntmother. love the acid tongue-in-cheek tone. makes you wonder about the "real" world, doesn't it?

7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are plenty of good to so-so reasons to post anonymously, but that's for another time.

The slut parade is a weekly problem in our fair metropolis. Weaving past Culture Club, etc. to get to the Holland Tunnel on a Saturday night is a horrible ordeal. There is no more appalling cry for attention than wandering around half-clothed in traffic.

6:09 PM  

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